


boris spassky and his terrible, horrible, not good, very bad idea

by quirós (tonightsobright)



Category: Chess (Board Game)
Genre: Group chat, I'm Going to Hell, Multi, chess grandmasters, literal garbage
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-28
Updated: 2017-05-28
Packaged: 2018-11-06 01:19:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11025573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tonightsobright/pseuds/quir%C3%B3s
Summary: life tip: don't put your chess grandmaster buddies in a group chat.





	boris spassky and his terrible, horrible, not good, very bad idea

**Boris** **VS:** I thought I would make this to facilitate arranging rendezvous when planning on hanging out?

 **bobby:** that’s great spassky

 **bobby:** how does one exit a group chat

 **irontigran** : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ this should help?

 **bobby:** thnx

 **bobby:** wait who’s rick astley

 **bobby:** I think you gave me the wrong link

 **irontigran:** don’t think too hard you might lower your 98% 24/7 focus on chess xoxo

 **bobby:** blocked

 **Boris** **VS:** What is happening

 **chess** **is** **my** **life:** Please discuss this elsewhere?

 **garrinator** **3000:** nice user nerd

 **chess** **is** **my** **life:** Kasparov is here

 **chess** **is** **my** **life:** How does one exit a group chat

 **Boris** **VS:** Can we please calm down and take a moment to discuss community guidelines for the group chat?

 **garrinator** **3000:** are u serious

 **Boris** **VS:** Yes

 **Boris** **VS:** Mainly just don’t harass each other, please

 **garrinator** **3000:** gay

 **chess** **is** **my** **life:** You’re violating community guidelines

 **garrinator** **3000:** let me violate your community guidelines ;-)

 **irontigran:** what does that even mean

 **Boris** **VS:** I just wanted to hang out oh my God

 **misha:** borjka !

 **misha:** I love you but this is the worst idea you’ve ever had

 **Boris** **VS:** Human affection receipted and appreciated, now please help me.

 **misha:** whoa slow down at least take me out on a date before asking for a suicide pact

 **Boris** **VS:** Ok thanks

 **Boris** **VS:** For those of you who don’t know each other that well let’s be civilized and say our names + something about us

 **Boris** **VS:** I’m Boris and I like chess

 **misha:** Boris we are chess players

 **Boris** **VS:** Please I am tired

 **irontigran:** I’m Tigran

 **misha:** you forgot to add something about you

 **irontigran:** my name is Tigran

 **misha:** ok

 **chess** **is** **my** **life:** I’m Anatoly and I like blueberry yoghurt

 **Viktor** **K.:** fuck you and your yoghurt

 **chess** **is my life:** Seriously how does one exit a group chat

 **garrinator 3000:** I’m garry and I have a huge dick

 **misha:** how long is it specifically

 **misha:** asking for a friend

 **garrinator 3000:** who

 **misha:** Karpov

 **chess is my life:** nononononono

 **chess is my life:** I nrver askef i swesr

 **garrinator 3000:** @chess is my life maybe you should ask your mom about it

 **garrinator 3000:** or maybe you should have opened those snaps i sent you three months ago

 **chess is my life:** don’t talk to me ever again

 **Boris VS:** Mikhail you’re making things worse

 **Viktor K.:** I’m Viktor and _someone_ recently broke my heart

 **chess is my life:** Oh my god

 **chess is my life:** When will you get over it it’s been three years

 **Viktor K.:** I’m sorry is someone typing? I’m blind to the fake

 **chess is my life:** Try wearing your cheating glasses

 **Viktor K.:** Can’t seem to find them… Your hypnotist might have taken them why don’t you go check

 **Boris VS:** Ok enough!!!! please

 **Boris VS:** I feel like a stressed out mother of six I am too young for this

 **misha:** ok borja so are you implying that maybe in the future u will become a mom

 **Boris VS:** With the way things are going yes

 **Boris VS:** Wait no

 **Boris VS:** I am not a woman

 **irontigran:** interesting that’s exactly what a woman would say

 **irontigran:** confess… who are you

 **Boris VS:** I’m Boris

 **Boris VS:** ???

 **irontigran:** I’m Boris and I like chess

 **irontigran:** I’m Boris and I like chess

 **irontigran:** I’m Boris and I like chess

 **irontigran:** I’m Boris and I like chess

 **irontigran:** I’m Boris and I like chess

 **Boris VS:** No!!!!!!! You’re not!

 **irontigran:** I’m Boris and I like chess

 **irontigran:** I’m Boris and I like chess

 **Boris VS:** Stop

 **misha:** the plot thickens

_**bobby left the group chat** _

**Boris VS:** :-(

 **misha:** holy shit he figured it out americans are catching up

 **irontigran:** the mother of six has lost another son

 **irontigran:** 1 like = 1 prayer

_**bobby was added** _

**irontigran:** it’s a miracle! he lives!

 **bobby:** 4 the record if this is how things are gonna be consider your asses muted

 **garrinator 3000:** don’t worry honey the feeling’s mutual

 **misha:** that’s the worst pun i’ve ever heard you need to sharpen your skills

 **Boris VS:** Ok

 **Boris VS:** I’m actually going to send the full community guidelines sheet can you all please share your email address or in alternative your vk account? Thank you

 **garrinator 3000:** sure

 **garrinator 3000:** suckadick@faggot.com

 **Boris VS:** I’m not sure that’s a real address, Garik

 **Boris VS:** Please refrain from using offensive vocabulary

 **chess is my life:** Garry that is so immature

 **chess is my life:** Mine’s tolj.capablanca@gmail.com

 **garrinator 3000:** FANBOY

 **garrinator 3000:** that’s so cute.. tolj capablanca…. who’s immature now :)

 **chess is my life:** Whatever, you’re just jealous you’ll never be as good as him

 **misha:** get a room

 **Boris VS:** Everyone, come to order. Please send me your addresses ASAP this is super important

 **Boris VS:** Friends if you do this one thing I’m getting you all ice cream

 **irontigran:** I deeply apologize borja but I am currently being held hostage by Kasparov’s communist revenge squad they’ve taken away my phone and hacked all my accounts

 **Boris VS:** You are texting us

 **irontigran:** yes I am communicating through psychic frequencies

 **irontigran:** @garrinator 3000 the frequencies say deep blue did 9/11

 **garrinator 3000:** do not joke about deep blue

 **chess is my life:** Yes Tigran do not joke about Deep Blue it might come get your title in your sleep

 **garrinator 3000:**  suck my dick???

 **chess is my life:** If you ask nicely.

 **Boris VS:** Okay I asked all of your moms for the addresses so you should get the sheet in a couple of minutes

 **Boris VS:** @bobby I need yours please

 **bobby:** you already have mine??

 **Boris VS:** I don’t think so I’ve sent you some nice articles and summer updates over time but they don’t seem to be delivering…

 **bobby:** oh no no i receive them

 **bobby:** i just don’t reply lol

 **Boris VS:** Oh

 **Boris VS:** Well to be honest with you that hurt my feelings a little could you maybe answer next time? I put a lot of care into my emails…

 **bobby:** probably not

 **bobby:** but sure

 **garrinator 3000:** cold bitch

 **garrinator 3000:** kys

 **Boris VS:** Please do not tell people to kill themselves

 **garrinator 3000:** ok mom

 **garrinator 3000:** also

 **garrinator 3000:** tolj can i copy your hw

_**chess is my life left the group chat** _

**garrinator 3000:** i’ll take that as a maybe

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> i am very sorry for this


End file.
